Greetings from the Front Zetta Lover,

                                                                                                                FEB2006
As you have become accustom to the infrequency of these communiqué’s, one must ask oneself as to the ...DANG!!! I so dislike it when those blasted back
country lizards dive bomb me and then just crack me with their tails and laugh amongst themselves Not that I don't believe they have every right, but that tilt of the head and slowly winking at me afterwards is what gets my hair standing in a quiet escalating rage. Damn those lizards and their back country ways. I tell you if I wasn't such a distinguished officer sworn to uphold all that we hold dear up here at the front, I'd, man just once I like to just call a lizard a lizard, you know!
Anyway, as I was saying, I was commanded...Jeez...you know lizards and I go way back. Back before you couldn't refer to those slimy, umm, uh Lee Zards as lizards. Sorry, got off track again, but I remember most definitely as your sister and her soul singing parrot she brought back from St. Lucia back in 1952 used to sit around on Thursday nights slinging back the ole stink with the whole crew from under the boardwalk back there off highway A1A listening to the surf and the snap/pop of the fire and not one of those back country jim artists to be seen for miles. That would really tick them off and they would shake, crack their tails and think of ways to exact revenge. Man, those memories are fresh whenever one of those decadent little slant eyed...you know they used to spit in my coffee right in front of me?
Anyway, I hear tell they took to gambling pretty heavy having a load of losses to flash around and now have to deal with some angry hell-bent devil dogs on a daily basis which kinda makes you feel a little... aw jeez, what the fuck am I rambling on and on about? Those little sham shysters have a trick snack way of infiltrating the ole grey matter and setting up squatters rights damning the torpedoes straight to your helpless numbed screaming floundering aimless soul there, moonbeam, …check please Doctor.

Well, I have to go fill up the injection bible chapter 11, verse 21! I was commanded to… pass along these …to you. Oh nice, I now can’t even find them. I seriously hope I didn’t throw them out like I did the tank last week. Man, try explaining accidentally, unknowingly throwing out a TANK! I swear it’s those pounders inside those…those… I’ll keep looking and pass them along at a much later date. Yours in the Darkening Mist & Bamboo Affair

Basil Fassad
Fifth in Command


P. S You know there sunshine if you are caught, this will self destruct in less than.....poof...poof…………psssssss..POOF!

Greetings from the Front Lizard Baiter,

JULY2005

This communiqué finds me under heavy fire wishing for some Hare Krishna’s with bullhorns on high shouting peace at the brain of the world, and incense. More on the matter at hand though. My question to you is, would you go in the bathroom and converse if there is a genuine moron in the stall next to you crying for Jesus and reciting the names of all the most devastating bomb attacks east of the Mason-Dixon Line south of the 33rd parallel from the mid-1860’s to the present? The only reason I ask is this happened to me recently and the poor fellow thought I was being rude for making a quick exit. He found me later sitting at my table dining in between the dogs, lizards and chickens just trying to peel some meat away from the bone and keep my bread close when this mad savant approaches blathering about me not showing any respect for not engaging him in conversation about bomb blasts and Jesus. “You’re going to Hell!” sez this mumbling madcap at which all the dogs started to growl and show some teeth. “Don’t you realize the Cuban Missile Crisis wasn’t actually a crisis in the real sense of the word? Kennedy and Khrushchev to keep that guerrilla Castro and his like poor, hungry and under their thumb drew it all up. They were all pissed about all the casinos and nightclubs being smashed up and closed down. Even Khrushchev called him an unshaven stupid jungle commie. Everyone knows it was Che Guevara who was the true revolutionary and Castro sentences him to Bolivia. Those weren’t even nukes under those tarps heading for Cuba back then, they were hundreds of Scandinavian socialites who Castro seemed to have a hankering for. Therefore, the theory just doesn’t pan out. They already had all those history books printed and the publisher wouldn’t give a refund, so they just let that story go out and stand. I’m telling you these poor excuses for bombs they kept dropping all over this sacred soil that was blessed by the Pope through his web site has me itching to go rough somebody up,” he rambled. “What the fuck are all these goddamn lizards everywhere!? What goddamn good are they anyway? I can see the chickens being here ‘cause hell, they’re food and they give you eggs, and the dogs eat the food you don’t want. However, the damn lizards! What do the goddamn lizards do for you? He started moving his tongue in and out of his mouth in a hysterical movement that I began to chuckle at. Just then, we took some incoming startling the chickens that haven’t given eggs since but didn’t seem to bother the dogs any who jumped at my plate and divided my meal amongst them. One of these bombs exploded right in front of this poor fool who got blown to Montserrat in the Lesser Antilles landing on his back with a lizard falling out of the sky right smack dab on this blithering idiots head. Odd too, it wasn’t the bomb blast hurling him skyward that killed him, it wasn’t even the fall and landing with a crumpled thump. It was when that lizard came hurtling out of the sky dive-bombing onto that heretics head that did him in. The lizard just rolled off slithering his tongue in/out sashaying on its way like nothing happened and it had been living there all its life and was glad to be home. Anyway, do you think I was rude for not talking to him when he was ranting in the stall? Now there’s more incoming and the chickens are clinging to my legs so I had better take some cover. Fax me the invitation and I will pass it along to Willy over at the Dew Drop Inn when he comes back with the next shipment of weasels and nut pickers. Keep those coupons coming. We should be out of here, what of us aren’t killed by then, by 2024. I’m going to need a warm bath.
Yours in Bamboo and chickens.
Fifth in Command, Basil Fassad

take me home to beznes

weird magoo and tally too went looking for

the farm. when just then a pig happened by

wanting to buy ole tally's arm. if i do that

explained tally, i will melt like cheese;

be served up in the middle of the road like

some forgotten slut, now please. suit

yourself the pig replied, then swaggered on

his way. turned and hollered over that curled

up tail, you know i'll be back one day. mark

my words you little brain, you will sell me

your arm, as sure as you're standing knee

deep in mud out here on this farm. then the

pig crested the hill, snorted and vanished

from sight. leaving weird magoo and tally

spoiling for a fight. let's go get that

little sucker, poke him good and roast him

'til he's done. naw tally, let's just rip

open his belly and leave him to rot in the

sun.

now while all this was taking place miss

pearl had them both in her sight, squeezed

the trigger and blew them away claiming it

served them right. some hair floated down, a

boot fell here, tally's arm hit the pig in

the head. 'what the hell' the pig exclaimed

as he snorted and fell over dead. when just from

the opposite direction a bullet caught miss

pearl by surprise. making her squeal and

holler, nailing her smack between the eyes.

'stay off my farm' the small boy screamed to a

bunch of dead. tell all your friends if they

come here, they can speak with mister lead.

he laid down his rifle, picked an apple and

started to chew. a bolt of lightning erupted

from the sky, struck the boy and split him in

two.

now the moral of the story, the lesson i can

tell, is don't throw all your love and money

down the wishing well. don't be so quick to

turn down a pig when he is so serious. stay

out of the sight of anybody who believes you

are delirious.

thanks for the time

(now i want the money)

yours in the wall,

weird magoo magaw's pa